


This Sucks Super Bad and I Will Probably Delete This in a Month

by Frothy_Frowns



Category: One Piece
Genre: Did this on a whim, Don't @ Me, F/M, Fluff, God Usopp - Freeform, I have a taco in my pocket rn, I'm not really a writer, Jealousy, Oneshot, We Die Like Men, all I wanted was Usopp, almost poly, because he's perfect, but you end up with Usopp, don't ask. just don't, everyone fights over you, he's so idiotic I love him, rose water, stinky liar liar man, straw hats - Freeform, that's code for "I know this sucks ass", witchcraft???, you lucky bean, you're welcs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-21
Updated: 2019-06-21
Packaged: 2020-05-15 15:55:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19298950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Frothy_Frowns/pseuds/Frothy_Frowns
Summary: The entire Straw Hat crew love your oblivious, cute self.Spoiler alert: you end up with Usopp bc he doesn't get enough attention and I Am Here To Fix That.





	This Sucks Super Bad and I Will Probably Delete This in a Month

**Author's Note:**

> I literally only watch One Piece for that long nosed bastard.

“O-oh! Thank you so much, Miss Robin! These will help immensely!” (Y/N) squealed with glee, clutching the red rose bouquet that was handed to her by the raven haired beauty. In her feverous happiness, she jumped up slightly to plant a sweet kiss to Robin’s cheek as an innocent ‘thank you’. Everyone clenched their jaws as they looked onward.    
_ Shit. _ __  
__  
The Straw Hat crew’s newest member was an alluring heartthrob, with shy mannerism and a sweet voice and a personality to match it. (Y/N) had unbeknowingly stolen the hearts and thoughts of everyone aboard, yet her density of the situation was equal to water. The poor gal hadn’t the faintest idea how lovestruck everyone was for her, no matter how obvious it was.    
  
Robin blushed lightly and placed a hand over (Y/N)’s hair, gently stroking. “Only the absolute best for you, dear. I am glad you like them.”    
  
“Oh, I really do! I’ve been wanting to make rose water for the longest!”    
  
“..Rose…. __ water ?”    
  
The smaller of the two nodded, smiling. “Yes! It’s like an all natural body perfume! It’ll smell sooooo good, I can’t wait to share it with you and Nami.” And with that, she ran into the kitchen in glee of her new project.    
  
..Robin sighed. Of course the kind yet oblivious spirit would use the romantic gesture as such. The woman had a kindling for potions, elixirs and the likes. Still, she couldn’t bring herself to be upset in any way. Little (Y/N) was using the gift to make something sweet to share with her fellow female crew mates. What an absolute sweetheart. Robin glanced back at the other nakama and smirked, placing a hand over the cheek in which was smooched upon. 

  
“I win this round~”    
  
“You sneaky asshole! You knew I was gonna get her flowers!!” Nami stomped one foot, face scrunched up in a scowl.    
  
“It’s not my fault you’re too slow.”    
  
The two women bickered amongst themselves as the men watched, just as displeased as Nami. 

 

Usopp, most of all, has been grinding his teeth and clutching his hands. Sweat had been dripping down his face, in anger or nervousness, he wasn’t sure.    
Yeah, he had his eyes set on (Y/N), just like everyone else. The very instant he saw her, he knew he was gone. Unfortunately for him, so was everyone else, apparently. Usopp may be a liar, but he wasn’t stupid. He knew well that he didn’t stand a chance with (Y/N) when all those attractive people were pushing each other down to win her heart.    
  
Sucking air through his teeth, Usopp left to go work in his shop. Might as well get his mind off of this.    
  
Sitting down in the creakity chair, he opened his sketchbook to sketch out new material ideas, to write notes on the sides. Maybe a trick ball that released a stink so bad even Luffy would puke! He bet (Y/N) would get a kick out of that. Or something like a noise popper when it hit the ground! Oooh (Y/N) would  _ love  _ to play with those with him, and prank the others together like they do sometimes. Those were a few of his favorite moments, when he and (Y/N) team up and goof around and tease everyo-    
  
Usopp stopped his pencil when he realized he wasn’t even sketching out the ideas, but doodles of (Y/N).    
  
..Groaning, he tore out the paper and crumbled it, tossing it over his shoulder into the overflowing trash bin of many other attempts to design inventions but instead drew the sweet lady plaguing his thoughts.    
‘This is so damn ridiculous.’    
  
His thoughts were interrupted by a light knocking on the door. He instantly knew who it was and blushed at her presence. None of these heathens knew how to be polite and knock softly.    
  
“U-Usopp? Are you in there? I apologize if I’m bothering you, but I wanted to know if you would like to play tag with Luffy, Chopper and I while my rose petals simmer?”    
  
He clutched the side of the desk, taking in a long breath. God, what a cutie.    
Standing up, he opened the door to reveal a shy (Y/N) with her hands twiddling their pointer fingers together. God, what a  _ cutie.  _ __  
__  
“Absolutely! And don’t even worry about it, (Y/N)-chan, you could never bother me,” he scratched the back of his neck, smiling.    
  
(Y/N) only smiled brighter and took his other hand, which in turn made him stupidly giddy, and pulled him towards the game.    
  
Tag lasted for a good 20 minutes, with mainly Luffy, Chopper and Usopp trying to chase down (Y/N). Kinda unfair, but they all just really wanted to be near her when she’s so playful and giggly like that. It was intoxicating. It was cut short after the kitchen timer let off for her to check on her petals.    
What a strange lady.    
  
Still, Usopp couldn’t help but to follow her, peering over her shoulder to look at the soggy petals floating in a pot of water.    
  
“Soooo...rose perfume? That’s a thing?”    
  
“Haha, yeah. I just really like it because not only does it put use to rose bouquets, but it doesn’t smell as strongly as other perfumes. Those make me sneeze too much. But this is softer, I guess?” She tried to explain to the long nosed sniper awkwardly. “Or at least it’s easier on the nose.”    
  
He hummed and leaned closer over her, taking in the scent. It really did smell nice. She uses this all the time, so it’s been planted in his head that this specific scent is (Y/N). He really likes it.    
  
“I think it suits you,” he murmured.    
  
“You think so?” She smiled softly, looking over her shoulder and up at him. Usopp quickly jolted back to give her space, face red, unable to meet her eyes.    
  
“Y-y-yeah.”    
  
_ “Ahhem.” _ __  
__  
Usopp swore under his breath as the both of you turn to look at a stoic faced Zoro.  Zoro’s eyes scanned Usopp’s face in displeasure before flicking to yours, eyes instantly softening.    
  
“Is he bothering you, (Y/N)?”    
  
Your face twisted in confusion. “No? Usopp could never bother me.” You places a gentle hand on said man’s arm.    
  
Usopp’s knees trembled slightly - not at Zoro’s killer expression, but how fucking  _ precious  _ (Y/N) was. He could feel his skin under her fingertips heating up just at the light contact. H-he could never bother her??    
_ ‘She’s gonna be the death of meeeee!’  _ __  
__  
Zoro stared a moment longer before grunting and looking away in a silent huff. Usopp really had to fight back a smirk.    
  
“Well… if you need anything, I’ll be on the deck.”  

 

"Oh, don't worry about me! I have Usopp," (Y/N) smiled, hugging Usopp's arm to make a point. Point made. Usopp's knees bucked harder, face flushed a fierce red and a big crooked smile plastered on his face. Growling lowly, Zoro stepped out, slamming the door behind him. 

 

(Y/N) hummed. "Strange. I wonder what got to Zoro-san like that." 

 

Usopp couldn't reply with anything but broken noises. His arm was so warm and squished into her chest. He felt about ready to faint. 

 

She only seemed to find his awkward state humorous, giggling and releasing her hold. "You're so funny, Usopp-chan!" 

 

He gulped in a quick breath, steeling his nerves back to normal. "Y-ya think s-so? Heh, if you think that's funny, then you'll love the story of when I once had to fight off 2,000 vegetables with human faces!"  

 

For 3 hours the liar spun tales for her like a ball of endless yarn. They even managed to migrate from the kitchen to the crow's nest, where they ended up scooting closer and closer towards one another til they were shoulder to shoulder. Usopp could barely contain both his glee and nervousness. Here they were, all alone, spending time together. Hell, he even grabbed his sketchbook to draw and ripped out a couple pages for her to doodle on as well. Usopp felt happy tingles throughout his body as he spun his web of lies larger, sketching as he did so. 

 

(Y/N) was no fool. She knew his stories held no truth. Yet she couldn't help but find them so interesting to listen to. Not one story was the same as the next. 

 

"But my favorite journey so far was when I met this queen," he drawled out, smiling, pencil never stopping on his page. 

 

"A queen?" 

 

"Yeah. She was absolutely breathtaking." 

 

He saw how her face lit up and how she even paused in her sketching. "Tell me about her, please!" 

 

Chuckling, he dropped his head back, looking up at the stars. "She had a heart of gold. No, platinum! Yeah! Because she always put the well-being of others far before her own. She was as soft as cotton, and she did this thing with her hands when she's curious or nervous. It really was the cutest thing." 

 

(Y/N)'s face was filled with almost childlike wonder as she fiddled with her fingers absentmindedly. Usopp spared a side glance her way, grinning like a fool. Spot on. 

 

"Really? That sounds kinda weird."

 

"Nah, I find it pretty endearing." He placed his pencil down. "Her hair was the most beautiful shade of (color) anyone's eyes have seen. She smelled of a secret garden, a forbidden place secluded to only the most deserving of beings. And everybody loved her." 

 

She hummed in thought. Her eyes traveled up to Usopp's. "You sound like you did, too?" 

 

...He couldn't help the red that rushed across his cheeks and long nose. "Uhhehehe… w-well, I.. of course I did. I really would be an idiot to ignore her beauty." 

 

"But… ?" 

 

He sighed. "But I would never have a chance in hell with the Queen." 

 

"Why not?!" (Y/N) suddenly reared. 

 

Usopp blinked in surprise. He's never heard her shout before. "Well, because I'm not as attractive as the other suitors that want her heart. I'd never stand a chance with them." 

 

"You shouldn't talk like that, Usopp!" She huffed, completely turning her body to face him. "You're plenty attractive!"

 

"Y-you don't have to lie-"

 

"I'm not!" Her hands reached out and grasped his face delicately, forcing him to look at her. Usopp felt his breath hitch in his throat, Adam's apple bobbing. She had a stern yet caring expression, eyes boring into his own. "You're funny and silly, you tell amazing stories and it feels like I'm there! You've got very soft, pretty hair and your nose is very cute. That queen should be a lucky woman to have someone like you pining over her!!" 

 

Usopp's face glowed so red it nearly became a beacon. He stared into her eyes, biting his lower lip. He's positive that (Y/N) could feel him trembling. 

 

"..Honest?" 

 

She grinned, lightly squishing his cheeks before completing releasing him. "Would I lie to you, Usopp-chan?" 

 

He smiled, scratching his neck before picking his pencil back up, which grabbed her attention towards the paper pad. 

 

"Is… that me?" 

 

He froze. Shit. He was drawing her again. She's totally gonna thing he's creepy now that she saw-" 

 

"Is  _ that _ me??"

 

He couldn't tear his eyes off of her paper. There were little cartoony doodles of his face, some with goofy expressions, others with him doing things like building items, sketching, pulling back a pellet to fire, laughing. His jaw dropped. "Have you.. been drawing me?" 

 

The prettiest pink flushed across her face as she looked away. "M-maybe… you're just so fun to draw! And I really like the faces you make.." 

 

He really couldn't believe the situation. Mutely, he showed her his own paper. It was littered with nothing but her, once again. He really did have a bad habit of sketching her, even when he's not actively trying to. 

 

Yet he couldn't stop the pleasant feeling that spread in his chest when he saw how her eyes lit up in surprised glee as they scanned the paper. "Why… would you draw me, of all subjects?" 

 

He rubbed his nose, eyes looking anywhere but at her, face still hot. "You're j-just so fun to draw… a-and I really like the faces you make, my queen." 

 

No sooner did that echo leave his mouth, his face twisted in horror at the slip up. Slapping a hand across his mouth, his eyes shot at hers in blind hope that she didn't hear the end piece of that sentence.

 

Oh, but stars be damned, she did. Of  _ course _ she did. He could tell by her wide eyed expression that she did. 

 

Yet before he could start blurting out apologies, excuses,  _ anything _ , he felt his book be removed from his lap and a different weight take its place. (Y/N) crawled into his lap, legs straddling his, hands clutching on to the straps holding his pants up. Usopp could swear up and down that his heart felt like it would beat straight out of his ribcage at that very second. 

 

That did not seem to stop her much, however, because she pulled him lower, closer to her face by the straps. 

 

"..Is it me, Usopp-chan? Am I the queen in your story?" Her whispery breath was warm against his lips, making them twitch. He nodded, too afraid to speak in case his voice cracked. Though his hands were almost magnetically attracted to her hips, he shakily let them touch her. It was exhilarating. 

 

One of her hands left a strap, and he felt it lightly slide up his chest to his neck, and take place on the side of his jaw, thumb rubbing a soft circle into his skin. He involuntarily gulped. 

 

"Usopp.." 

 

"Y-y-yeah, (Y-Y/N)-chan?" 

 

"May…..may I kiss you? Y-you can say no! I just thought that maybe-" 

 

_ "Abso-fuckin-lutely," _ he choked, barely believing what he was hearing. 

 

Not a second longer did he feel two warm, soft petal-like lips press against his own slightly chapped, thicker pair. His eyes snapped shut and his hands pulled her closer by the hips. 

_ 'This. This is heaven.' _

 

A tiny noise escaped her throat. It was so small, but it rung in Usopp's ears and made the warmth in his body spread like wildfire. He deepened the kiss, tilting his head for better access. It thrilled him to no end when he felt both of her hands trail up to grip his jaw and tangle in his hair. It seems like his queen enjoyed this just as much as he did. 

 

They both spent a good minute enjoying each other, hands caressing the other and holding tightly before they pulled away for air, gasping. Neither said a word as they caught their breath, looking at one another with lidded eyes and flushed faces. 

 

Until Usopp finally leaned lower to kiss her neck sweetly. "I… you.. are we… ?"

 

He heard her gulp and sighed as she weaved her hands through his curls. "If… if you'll have me... " 

 

"Oh, baby, you have  _ no idea _ how bad I've wanted you," he guffawed, grinning ear to ear as he pulled her tightly to his body.  

  
  
  
  
  
  


"You've got to be  _ fuckin _ kidding me." Zoro growled lowly. He and Sanji had been looking everywhere for (Y/N), only to find her snuggled tightly against Usopp in the crow's nest. She was practically draped over him, sleeping face tucked into his messy hair, a smile on her face. Usopp wasn't any better, as his lanky yet muscular arms were wrapped tightly around (Y/N)'s body. His drooling face was smiling stupidly. 

 

The two men stared bitterly, jealously. 

 

"Tch. No," Sanji nearly bit through his cigarette. He wasn't having it. Grunting, he bent over and gently grabbed (Y/N)'s waist and began to pull. 

 

A sudden whimper sounded from the sleeping beauty and she buried herself deeper into Usopp's hair, hands clinging to him. With a sleepy growl that neither of the men has ever seen from him, Usopp's arms tightened their hold on her, refusing to let go. His face, that was once stupidly blissful in slumber, was now twisted into an angry snarl. 

 

Sanji let go of her waist, surprisingly startled. Not a second later he released her, Usopp's sleeping form rolled over, trapping (Y/N) under him in protection. She let a sigh out and clung comfortably to him, content. 

 

Sanji and Zoro stared in disbelief. 

  
  


"She chose  _ long nose _ ??!"

**Author's Note:**

> bruh. You actually finished that?? 
> 
> Well, if ya want, here's a shameless plug in of my twitter.  
> Come bully me.  
> But not really.
> 
> Bc I'm soft and Will Cry. 
> 
> https://twitter.com/_SedatedSmiles_


End file.
